So, what exactly do YOU think that it is that I am talking about when I speak of "the white room"?

Here, an understanding of the associated facts is required in order to fully comprehend just exactly what it is that causes one to walk off of a wall into thin air, without even realizing that one has done so.

No drugs.

No alcohol.

Intensely concentrating on every single footstep.

Trying to be as safe possible, all things considered.

So, just what is it that caused such a thing to happen anyway?

I must say that I have done a lot of introspective thinking following these events as I am in every bit as much of a state of disbelief as anyone is ever likely to be.

As I have gone through all "known" facts over and over thousands upon thousands of times, inside my head, I keep reaching this point at which I simply did not know what to think until further reflecting for several days more, until I finally managed to put most all of the pieces together enough to see just what exactly it is that happened.

I know I should have been killed by the fall.


I am a longtime medic and have been on similar scenes enough times to know what it is that I am looking at.

In my own life, I will never forget the disbelief upon the faces of numerous rescue and police personnel as not one could or would believe that I was the person who was in the passenger seat of a horrific wreck when I was just turning 17 years old.

"The person we are looking for is either dead or suffering from severe head trauma" I was repeatedly reassured as I continued to explain that it is indeed I who they are looking for, as they continued to look at the wreckage and windshield in unbelief. 

After spending several years in the field as an emergency ambulance attendant I soon enough understood exactly what it was that they were getting at.

"No, it cannot be you", I keep hearing, every hour from that day forward in a kind of perpetual post traumatic stress disorder.

But ------, but ------------------

Following this most recent incident I have continuously puzzled over what exactly is in my memory banks.

I did not suffer from amnesia of any kind, so far as I can ascertain at this time.

My memories are very clear, but strange.

I remember seeing an intense flash of very white light.

But I could not  remember the two things which happened just before that, which can be thought of as explanatory

= white marble

and no photo grey tint on glasses for first time in decades

= triggered an episode of vertigo.

=  very rapid and widespead degradation of vestibular system malfunctions.

As background, just before I left on this latest journey I changed my prescription for my eyeglasses.

This is not unusual for me, as I like to be able to see the best I am able while viewing unusual and unique locations and sites.

All went well with then new prescription, except that they neglected to put in the photogrey tint which is absolutely critical in my case.

I have not been out from under these kinds of lenses for about 45 years.

They were prescribed because the clear portions of my eyes were becoming whitened "like an egg white when it is frying".

This is because I have worn eyeglasses since I was very young.

So that my vitreous humor (the clear stuff) has been exposed far longer and far more than most persons.

Hence this rather unusual condition.

Nevertheless, I was ordered to wear dark lenses outdoors at all times, from that day forward, and have done so since that time.

So, now, I have clear glasses two days before leaving and am not sure whether the lenses are just taking a few days to beging to fully change color in sunlight.

So that it was not until I was far out at sea on the other side of this planet before I fully comprehended what was going on.

I looked all over the place for some kind of sunglasses to put over these new eyeglasses, as I often have done in the past.

But the frames were just big enough to keep that from being able to happen.

So, I am stuck in very bright and very hot sunlight with eyes which simply have no capacity to deal with such a thing except in a most compromised fashion.

Anyone who is familiar with snow blindness high up in the Alps, as I am, has a pretty good idea of what is coming next.

Those of us who are familiar with "survival at the sea" know that you should always shield your eyes if you are going to be on water for any amount of time, due to the same effect.

I have seen it happen in the Bavarian Alps, and I can assure you that it happens very suddenly and much faster than you can begin to imagine.

And it is shocking to see, because the person who could see just fine a minute ago can now see nothing at all!

They have to be led around by the hand until they can be gotten out of the sunlight and given hours or days to heal enough so that they can see again.

So, at the time of the incident at question here, I had been out in the sunlight for about 10 days while complaining of pain and inability to see fully and clearly.

I had been looking for workable sunglasses during the entire time, after finding out that the very special and expensive ones which I have for this very purpose would not fit over this odd size new frame.

The ground on the islands of Delos and Mykonos is covered with white marble.

It is the main building material which is used everywhere.

It is highly reflective.

And it is highly WHITE!

It is blindingly white from noon to about 4 p.m.

And every building on the island is painted white, by law.

My eyes are being continuously blasted with this.

They are unable to do anything to compensate.

I am preoccupied with numerous other very serious matters in addition to this.

Can anyone see that a formula for disaster is being made here?

The memory of an explosive white light is the very last memory I have before coming to at a table with a bunch of people staring at me, although they believe that I have been conscious long before that, because my body got up and moved around and talked and responded with "lights on but nobody home".

Please bear with me for a moment as I put this into it's larger context, for the sake of better understanding.

I never lost consciousness and I never lost any memory prior to falling.

I had exact memory formation up to the moment of the fall.

I was standing by a white marble wall.

It stood about two to 2 1/2 feet up into the air (i.e. up to my knees), so that one can easily fall off of it if one is not paying attention.

I am paying very close attention while doing something which I have done thousands of times without incident.

Although dangerous, in and of itself.

I see all and remember all that is going on around me.

And then suddenly out of nowhere I am standing in "the white room".

That's the part which really freaks me out.

Did I hallucinate?

Had I been drugged without knowing it?

Was I having some kind of mental aberration?

Was I having some kind of a vision?

Or, is this a case of just plain old "what in the world is going on here?"

These are all things which are running through my head in rapid succession, as I am trying to make sense out that which has become entirely senseless, and I am trying to make order out of chaos which is running unchecked at the outer limits of disorder.

It is no wonder it has taken me from 8-18 to 8-28 to process all known data and to finally digest it and come to some rational conclusions and some not so rational ones as well.

So, it now can be seen for the most frightening type of folly imaginable, as only humans can be apparently stupid enough to do, as I continue, by sheer force of habit, to dance on cliff sides, as I always have = ooops!.

It was a combination of "snow blindness" with the same attraction toward the light which the moth has toward the flame.

And with nearly the same result.

It is truly terrifying to think about.

The white flash was my eyes becoming blinded from the white marble which I was staring at under a very hot and very bright early afternoon sun as I was extremely exhausted (complaining about it before the incident).

Instead of seeing darkness, because I am, after all, temporarily blinded, instead I saw bright white light.

Bright white light was the last thing which I was looking at.

And I was staring at it in a sort of dazed trance for just one or two seconds.

Just long enough to violently and forcefully cause me to crash and burn, just as if I had been forcibly thrown over the wall, head first.

It is that one horrible moment which we all know is on it's way, sooner or later, and maybe even as we speak.

The one moment when you finally have let your guard down COMPLETELY.

Not a good thing to do.

And certainly not a good time or place for doing it.

I think that the results speak for themselves.

It only takes just one moment to get the results which I am currently having = OUCH!  OUCH!  OUCH!

But very cathartic (as in soul cleansing).

I don't know that I need to be thrown of a cliff every so often, but one cannot begin to understand or fathom just how deep this goes down inside one's psyche and person.

And it is, after all, THE ULTIMATE TEST.

Do you stand or fall before the higher powers that be?

That is always the question.

It is a VERY scary question.

And I do not ever recommend asking it, whether silently or out loud.

Nevertheless, it is the question which always must be answered each and every moment throughout each and every day.

You only think otherwise because you have not yet been held to account.

But you will be.

Who cares how you did on this or that mundane wordly endeavor?

And how little does it REALLY matter?

If you cannot stand before your Creator, naked, and harmless, then it is time to stop everything and reconsider just what it is that you are doing and how in the world it could possibly be allowed to get in the way of that which is the most important thing in your life?

So, herein lies the elusive and missing component which solves the question of walking off into space without knowing it.

Several witness who stood very close to me all said that I began to walk away from the edge, and then just suddenly turned aroun and just walked right off into the air, as if I did not see anything.

They were right on the money, as it turns out.

Because that is exactly what I was doing.

I was attracted to the light and was moving toward it, with no regard for the physical constraints and boundaries which I was just about collide with, not being even the slightest bit aware of their existence.

That is to say, they had no existence in "the white room".

It's that damn physics and gravity as curvature of space/time and all that, all over again, you know ----

So, now that I am launched into the air why do I not even know that I am falling?

Or did I?

And it got smacked right back out of me due to lack of new synapse formation due to massive blunt trauma injuries?

I have fallen and been injured so many times that I know that I AWAYS have that horrible falling feeling for months after the incident, if not years in some cases

Oftentimes it is in slow motion and then suddeny speeds up upon impact.

I have never had nothing.

But I have never fallen head first 30 feet down onto a pile of rocks on a beach, either.

And that infamous "dead cat bounce".

That is the part which really gets to me.

All who work in search and rescue for any amount of time know that "the dead cat bounce" indicates deep unconsciousness.

The body is doing nothing to protect itself, because it is comatose and, therefore, unable to do anything.

Two dead cat bounces indicates severely deep uncosciousness, as in severe head injury, and probable death, either now, or in near future as infection sets in and finishes the job, started by the fall.

Several witness told me how I bounced, not once, but twice, and then got further "k.o'd (i.e. knocked out) again as I bounced off of the rocks onto sand and then back onto the rocks again.

I ended up sprawled on my back, with arms out, and blood coming out of my mouth and several gashes on my face.

All who saw it (a busload of people) thought that it was fatal as a barely bleeding, lifeless corpse was all that they looked down at from above.

Two dead cat bounces?

Not a good thing in my very extensive experience with such matters.

Due to the fact that I am diagnosed with vertigo (as in complete breakdown and failure of the vestibular system = time, space, and spatial relationships aka balance) and have had two episodes with which to compare this incident, I can only be forced to surmise that the bright and blinding light somehow triggered the vertigo.

Either that, or I went unconscious immediately, as you always hope that you will if you fall off of a cliff or out of disintegrating crashing airliner.

It is a well documented fact that certain conditions can excite the processes which end up manifesting as vertigo.
(note that the "vertigo" which I am talking about is not that which people usually talk about when using the word and telling you that they have veritgo.  In order to be diagnosed it requires a very large amount of very uncontrollable and painful vertical and horizontal nystagmus, which is something that cannot be faked and which is extremely important as diagnostic criteria;  it is measurable and can be used to pinpoint source).

Each time I have had it previously there was a definite pattern.

I had been awake for months, both times.

I was under extreme stress;  even much more than normal.

It was very hot both times prior.

And I knew that I was pushing way too hard, both times.

I was also drinking more coffee than usual.

In the case of what happens to me it is believed that little otoliths (little round rocks which normally reside in a gel) inside of the inner ear break loose and spin wildly about as they randomly hit the little hairs inside the ear which are responsible for determining balance.

Effectively, the data which is being received is that I am being thrown violently about and falling while spinning through the air.

Because multiple otoliths are bouncing around I will pereceive that I am spinning in multiple planes simultaneously.

You can have no idea just how disorienting that is.

I now laugh because I was told to just get down on the ground fast.

But what happens if you do not know which direction is down toward the ground?

That is what happens when multiple otoliths break loose simulteneously and bounce all over the place off of the little hairs used to determine direction and forcefulness of balance related actions and activities.

While standing on the wall I was suffering from chronic exhaustion, and profound heat, and continuous bright light in eyes which are highly light sensitive (blue eyes).

I was intensely emotionally distressed at all of the talk about statues as if they are real persons or numinous beings.

I was processing this very fresh information at that very moment.

O.K., so here is where it starts to get a little bit extra weird.

Delos is dedicated to "the god" Apollo.

Apollo is a youthful solar deity.

He is very bright.

Maybe even like Lucifer, who was also known for his brightness.

Lucifer means the bright and shining one.

He can be said to be a "light bearer".

Apollo is also known for his "light bearing" abilities..

I detest the forces and powers from which these beliefs and practicies are thought to emanate.

This has been since I was very young.

I am dedicated to war against these powers of ignorance, superstition, and darkness.

It is the Pele worshippers and priestcraft in the Hawaiian Islands all over again, but on a much larger and grander scale.

One only need read the two primary sources regarding the behavior of the Pele priests and how they kept the entire communities in a state of nearly continuous panic as regards supernatural matters, in order to better comprehend what this sytem really is.

When I am at a site like Delos, I know that I am in someone else's very numinous yard and that I had best watch my back continuously and ask others to do the same for me.

Caution is the byword of the hour.

But, all of this does not matter even one tiny little bit because of my attraction toward light, which turns out to be none other than the very same force which so forcefully calls the moths deep into the flame.

Am tired and must go.

First part written at 10-11 p.m. last night.

Second part = started at 4 a.m.

It is now 5:23 a.m.

I have to go meet some "biohazard" cleaning people at 7 a.m.

Use your imagination, if you dare.

w/love to all


5:30 a.m.

note:  Erin came on board last night at 7 p.m.
Welcome back, Erin.  And many heartfelt thanks.