Normally I would start with dictionary or lexicon definitions and with etymology, etc., in order to begin a discussion of the meaning of a word, such as ENMESHMENT.

Here, instead, I am going to tell you how I use the word within the context in which I am using it now.

While I am not sure exactly where it starts, I often see what I think are the beginnings of "daddy's little girl" and "mommy's little man" (the concepts which epitomise the very destructive final results of this process) who are created by a vacuous "emotionally absent" parent whose own psyche has been crushed into near non-existence and replaced with a self-constructed outer person.

If one could actually see the outer person alongside the real inner person it would be a real shocker.

This is because while the outer person puts on an air of confidence and being in charge, in fact, inside this person the diametric opposite is taking place.

EVERYTHING! is fear driven.

They are fearful of this happening and they are fearful of that happening and they just know that some other thing is on it's way to destroy them or expose them.

They are terrified at the thought of "the outsiders" (you and me) ever finding out what the true state of affairs is, not realizing that we have known all along.

This is the classic narcissist having children.

Not dissimilar to children having children, but maybe even worse yet.

Now, before continuing, I think I had better make very clear that we are not talking about the neuroses' which you and I have to deal with within ourselves on a moment by moment basis.

The thing which I am talking about is VERY pathological.

This is a case where normal mental and psychical processes have gone crazy and are running very much outside of their normal "channels" and wreaking havoc everywhere they go.

The reason I am having to parenthetically mention this is because of the common usage of the word "narcissist" for a guy or girl who likes to sit in front of the mirror too much while preening. 

This may or may not reflect mental health.

But in the case of the actual clinical entity to which I am referring there is no question as to whether or not it is mentally healthy; 
it most clearly is not.

On the other hand, we will often see varying degrees of all of these things within ourselves and those whom we love and who are dear to us.

Again, this is not what I am talking about.

The thing to which I refer is much bigger, more inclusive of entire personality, and in fact controlling nearly all thought processes and those actions arising therefrom. 

So, how can I tell the difference?

By the level of demanded or intended control over others.

I do not care to control ANYBODY.

That is because I am at peace with myself for a very long time.


I have seen others, to the contrary of this, who will nit pick and micro manage and have something to say about every thought, action, or deed which they perceive or believe that they are perceiveing.

They know the answers to everything and will be certain to let you and me know all about it.

Now comes the funny part.

If it was all out in the open like this, we probably would not be having this discussion.

That is because the narcissist parent is, above all esle, SNEAKY.

They are simply not going to own up to their problem, period.

The reason why is because they don't see it as a problem.

They see it as a responsibility, or even a duty.

They are only doing what they are supposed to be doing so far as they are concerned.

This makes for an untenable situation as any child growing up under the "guidance" of one of these individuals will soon enough learn.

There are two times and places where these problems have a tendency to really become evident to all of the world, and to me too.

Oh, oh, kids, little junior is getting too old to be staying around the house without the neighbors talking.

So, how can I MAINTAIN CONTROL while appearing to be allowing the child to INDIVIDUATE, which I really have no intention of ever allowing to happen.

Send them off to school, is the answer.

So, now going off to school becomes the be-all, end-all, but only for the time being.

And the entire operation will most assuredly be underwritten by whoever it is who most wants to maintain control.

The child is now beholden in the worst way imaginable, and that for life.

So, now the child goes off to school (presented as some great life changing accomplishment) to continue the same useless, meaningless existence which they have already been living, but now with a bunch of other persons who are at this place for the same reasons which they are, while every single one adamantly denies that such is the case, just like everyone in jail claims to me that they do not belong there, but are, in fact, innocent.

It didn't take me long as a young criminal defense attorney to find out that EVERYBODY IN JAIL IS INNOCENT.

That is, if you listen to them. 

I didn't and don't

That is because I spent the last ten years prior to that cleaning up the terrible messes which these people create, such that I have no great sympathy for how the perpetrator is somehow the victim.

Oh, oh, little missy wants to go out with some guy who I really don't approve of (note: the enmeshed parent is not going to be having an easy time letting go of that which he has most decidedly determined is HIS.), so I will become actively involved in her life to whatever extent is required to destroy any possibility of the relationship being able to grown fonder over time.

This is a kind of a take off of the going off to school theme.

Only here, no one is ever good enough and no one ever will be.

Oh, they will be for a few moments.

Just enough to make it look like it is not what it is.

But sooner or later, through continuous and constant erosive actions and efforts, little missy will figure out that daddy dearest just ain't going for it.

Or mommy dearest, as far as that goes.

They are so afraid of their perfect little "Stepford" world getting turned on it's head by the very rude intrusion of reality.

Reality will most definitely intrude at birth, marriage and death.

So, stand back and look for  just a moment and tell me whether they don't have every one of these bases covered with something designed to create and alternate reality and really make sure that ultimate truth finds no way in.

How does the real world stand a chance against a self-created (delusional?) real world.

It simply doesn't.

So, little junior will go off to school.

But he will be reminded who he owes every single second of his existence.

If it's now not bad enough to have mommy dearest and daddy dearest in complete and very unhealthy control (with a cheap "transportation" car thrown in for good measure, oftentimes), but now the government and the banksters will get into the student loan racket by which you will be further enmeshed with even more unsavory characters.

And guess who is going to be the backstop for that?

Oh, thank god for parents dearest.

Now, the really weird thing about the Stockholm Syndrome, of which this resembles in so many odd ways, is that the person has to be in actual fear of death before they become eternally grateful to their captor.

It is for not killing them that they become thankful for his very existence in one of the strangest turnings of the mind known to the psych world.

Instead of being enraged, they feel that they owe their life to their "glorious leader".

Here, similarly, the child is glad that the parents are back home with the means and ability to get the child out of any potential financial mess, but hoping greatly that they NEVER have to make that phone call.

As a matter of fact, they live in a constant state of dread.

Does this sound like a mentally healthy way to live.

Just what kind of a foundation is it that is being built here?

Not a very stable one.

Must go for moment.

Hope to be back in awhile.

In the meantime, "the beat goes on".

w/love to all.

7:30 a.m. pdst

Ventura, California, USA

p.s. just for the record I just read in this morning's London Financial Times (at 4:30 a.m. this morning) and they are claiming that CERN is reporting that they believe they have finally proven the existence of the very difficult to detect (theoretical) Higgs Boson.

No confirmation yet.

I was just on CERN site a couple of days ago to arrange a tour of a portion of the facility which is open to public, but toured by private pre-arranged tours.

I saw nothing about this on the site at that time.

This is a HUGE headline story if correct.

I shall see what I kind find out and, hopefully, return with news.

No black hole under Geneve just yet.

But, I wouldn't be celebrating just yet.

More to come?