I have not slept for weeks,
except for a little cat nap
here and there.

This always creates the problem
of what to do in the middle of the night.

I have tried it all and done it all,
having had this problem
since I was about 18 years old.

By far the most productive thing
I have learned to do over the years
is to compose in the middle of the night,
rather than flip and flop
all over the place
while wishing that I could sleep
"like all the other kids".

Well, I am telling you all of this
because that is what is going on tonight.

No sleep.

Thankfully the mind and spirit
are able to remain still.

So I got up at 1:30
and wrote 050213a
by 2 a.m.

It is for choir and synth.

I have been working on
various templates
during the past several weeks.

I am trying to build a decent piano
by combining numerous pianos together
into one,
but still do not have the sound
I am looking for.

Because I tuned pianos for a living
at one point in my life
I have played on numerous very fine instruments,
such that I am very uptight
about this matter.

In the meantime
I have been having fun
with choir and electronic orchestra.

I have been trying to keep the music
in the ancient vocal style,
while keeping the instrumental parts rather tame
so that they do not compete with the vocals,
but instead,
gives support to them.

When I listen to the various pieces
written during the past month
I am often struck by how drastic
the changes are
from loud and rowdy
to super quiet.

That is completely nuts.

I don't see how I even do it.

The change required is just so great
as to cause one to wonder
how it can possibly be done,
and that with such relative ease.

I do it without even thinking about it,
having done it for so long.

But when I listen,
I get to hear things,
just like you do.

That is when I notice such matters
and marvel.

As an aside,
after several days of really cold fog
we finally had a sunny beach day today.

Hope there will be more soon to come.

I laid in the hot sand this afternoon
and forgot all about insomnia
as I woke up two hours later
wondering where in the world I am
and how I got here.

Only for a moment.

But long enough to make an impression.

Hope this finds all well with my loved ones.

I know that some are not well
and that another is in hospital
with serious injuries.

I am always thinking
of those special people
who step up to the plate
at such times
and keep things happening.

To those who have stepped up,

Thanks so much
for all of the self-sacrificial help
= true love.

w/relentless love,
until death do us part


3:36 a.m.
Ventura, California, USA