It  is 2:15 a.m.
on Thursday,

All is quiet
from where I sit.

I went to bed 
at about 9 p.m.
and then  woke up
at about 12:30 a.m.,
ready to go,
and thinking
that the sun is about to come up.


Not so.

No point in laying
while flipping and flopping
all over the place.

So I got up.

I have listened to way too much music
during past several weeks
so that I am badly burned out.

So, what to do? 
what to do?

I sat down at keyboard
and began to play with it
but did not like anything
that I was hearing.

Am I in one of those moods,

I have to laugh,
because I often have emotions
going in numerous directions
all simultaneously.

Such that I could be said to be
and cheerful
and not cheerful,
all at one and the same time.

Such that I could answer "yes"
to every single question
asking me about how I feel,
even though they are
asking about
which of opposite emotions 
I am currently feeling.

The "beauty of perfect inconsistency"
is what I call it.

It is "perfect"
because you are totally unaware of it
when doing it,
so that it is able to be
as inconsistent as possible
(and that without apology
or even the thought thereof).

So that it becomes very difficult to focus
when one's emotions and mind
are jumping all over the place
with no apparent restraint.

So, as my fingers brush across the keys,
while trying to at least figure what key
I would like to begin in,
I am hating every second
and hating every note,
while loving it fully 
in the very same moment.

Perfectly inconsistently,
but of course.

"Nothing going to happen tonight",
I tell myself,
as my other self tells me
to just "shut up"
and press the record button.

Sounds good to me.

So, I decide on the key of E minor.

And so, here we go,
with 041813a.

The intensely conflicted emotions
come screaming out in all directions.

And they most definitely do not sound happy
about certain turns of events.

We all know what that means.

Looooooook out ------ !!


And whatever you do,
don't look back.
(remember Lot's wife)

Well, this IS how I feel,
and there just simply is no hiding these facts
when tearing into this keyboard
in the manner which I do.

Hope it gets you all stirred up,
like it does me.

w/steadfast love,
and true


2:38 a.m.
Ventura, California, USA


to the girl who sings songs
to the little children:

it was good seeing you last night;

hoping for all the best for you;

thanks for just being there,
at this most difficult of times.

w/loving affectation