Just a quick note on the way out the door.

What a year it has been!

I will write a more lengthy report,
if I am able,
during this next week
as the new year approaches.

Suffice it to say that it has been:

"The best of times
and the worst of times,"

to quote Charles Dickens.

While much has gone well on the musical front
my personal life is in total tatters and disarray.

This has little or nothing to do with me,
other than that I get very depressed
by all of the evil
and lying
and misrepresentations
and basic uncaring attitudes,
not to mention the vanity of vanities.

The widow
and the orphan
and the helpless
are definitely much less safe,
when they should be far more safe.

And all of this for what, exactly?
I keep asking myself.

Back to the vanity thing, indeed.

and evil 
are on every side,
every which way I look.

Until I just finally collapse
in utter despair
and do not want to continue on one more inch,
asking God to just end it all for me
here and now.

Just let me die, already, PLEASE!

How much, O Lord?,
How much?
am I expected to take
before I can take it no more.

"A whole lot more than this",
comes back the answer 
from HE who sweat blood at Gethsemane
from looking on in horror,
at the same things
which have wrought havoc
in my tiny little insignificant life.

So, I sit here and weep bitterly 
and long and hard.

So, how exactly do you communicate
Merry Christmas
in a world which cares not one whit about
The Messiah? anyway?

Happy Saturnalia?
Just ask Macrobius.

So, I don my godly suit of armor
and prepare for a war like none you have
ever seen or even heard of.

I am listening to the FIVEHYPNOSONGS as I am writing this.

Very powerful stuff.

I hope we will see lots more where this came from.

Finally, I have spent nearly my entire life alone
because of the work which I am called to do.

It has become readily apparent
that I MUST continue
the rest of this journey
alone, in spirit.

So I will wash my face,
and dry my tears,
and wring my hands,
and prepare for the really ugly work
which lies directly ahead
as I simply REFUSE!
to bow to Satan and
his ugly minions,
no matter what
he/it chooses to do to me.

On that note, I can finally say it:

Merry Christmas.

As in Christ crucified.

No parties, no presents,
just our blessed, precious Lord,
hanging on that accursed tree

May God be praised eternally.

w/precious and abiding love,
but not without limit, fffffffolks.

Some of you had better wake up, already,
because the hour has become very late,
while I have very impatiently waited
and can wait not much longer
before I simply MUST move on,
with or without you.

11:12 a.m.
Ventura, California, USA