I just lost another very longtime friend.

Same age as me
and going back to 15 years old
when we first met.

Died in his sleep.

That is the seventh or eighth one
to die this way
in last two to three years.

He spoke with his brother,
in the neighboring room, 
at bedtime.

Didn't wake up in the morning.

Just like the stuff we always,
worry about.


When these things happen,
especially with several in a row,
back to back,
one is required to stop for a few moments
in order to ponder the meaning of it all.

As I have often looked at person's lives,
from beginning to end,
I have learned to sum it all up
with a great deal of speed,
even if lacking,
in precision.

Were they a good person?

Or a bad person?

Or a useful person?

Or a worthless person?

Did their life have any meaning, whatsoever?

Will they even be missed?

Or are things going to go on much better
for all lives which were previously
by this person,
because it was an evil touch..

And, finally,
how does all of this relate,
either directly,
or indirectly
to me?

Now I say all of that, to say this:

and sense of SELF-WORTH
(grounded in factual reality)
are the single most important assets
which a person has in this evil world.

Your word truly is your bond,
whether you treat it as such or not.

And your handshake,
combined with your word,
should be much better than a written contract,
even with the most exacting specifications.

When you are laying down,
wherever it may happen,
about to give up your last breath,
I can assure you that all of the
myriad ridiculous distractions
which pose as necessity
are quickly tossed aside,
typically revealing the complete bankruptcy
of everything
which we claim to believe in
and stand for.

One suddenly realizes,
usually far too late,
that up IS down,
and that in IS out,
and that black IS, indeed, white,
and forward IS backward.

That is to say,
ALL of one's priorities
are quickly revealed
as being entirely

It is very disturbing
to realize these things
when there is little or nothing
which you will be able to do about it.

oh, how much moreso,
when one could have,
but did not.

Knew to,
but did not take advantage
of the short amount of time allotted
to learn to distinguish

what is one willing to give
in exchange for one's soul,

How about for the love and affection
which has been wrongly withheld,
or made to depend upon
whims and fancies of the moment

(i.e. highly conditional "love"),

Oh, how I long, just to be loved,
just for myself and nothing more.

Or how about for academic excellence?

Or how about for positioning on a sports team?

How about for some loser guy
who swears he will be with you,
"until death do us part",
but in reality
was never with you at all
(typically being incapable of such
in the first place).

Suddenly your "obedient weakling"
turns out to not be such a good deal
after all.

(remember "the great catch"
you once thought you had?)

Oh, and how bitter it is
to find out
that you have given the best years of your life
to a cruel and evil deceiver,
who posed as your husband and lover,
but in reality was never with you at all,
and who has now left you saddled with debt
in extraordinary amounts.

Really not much more than a very expensive pet.

And one that whines continuously
and never can be made to be satisfied,
as bitter reality begins to invade
into your innermost being
and does not like what it is finding there
in it's place.

Oh, how about a college education,
complete wtih
an obscene amount of usurious "debt".

And "loving" parents
and counselors,
who tell you
not to worry
about piling up such enormous amounts of debt
at (comparatively) outlandish rates of interest.

The debt
which is simply unpayable,
and causing you to come out of "school" 
to no work capable of providing
the ability to repay,
at a minimum, 
between $500 and $1000 per month
from now to infinity.

You are now, 
guaranteeing that
you are completely insolvent
from graduation day forward.

Insolvency + illiquidity = default

What are the default rates right now?

And why, do you suppose that this is so?

Don't worry, you are told,
everything will just work out,

But, when, exactly,
does this EVER happen?



And who is left hanging out to dry,
now having to go back
to the very ones who "advised" you
to take such irresponsible actions
in the first place 

(and, always
for some supposed higher purpose
or greater good, indeed).

And so, now,
you are just sooooooo screwed !!
that I weep for hours on end
as I contemplate the matter more fully.

Oh, how cruel life can be.

Oh, if only everyone at "school"
would just like me
and appreciate me.

But, alas,
you know full well
that it shall never be so.

Oh, how about that job
you expect to get
after getting out of school,
but will find that it evaporated,
right along with all of your other dreams.

So that now you may continue
your newfound life
of debt slavery,

And this is supposed to,
provide a meaningful existence?

Oh, and then you think
adding children to the mix
will somehow make all of this
and senselessness
somehow otherwise?

I would advise you to reconsider,
long before having sex with anyone.

Or that car
you hope to get at graduation?
But will not.

Or maybe even the dream
of "qualifying"
for 30 years of huge debt burden,
in the vain hope of someday
actually owning the roof over your head?

As you can probably guess,
I can go on all night,
with one example after another,
ad nauseum,
of those things
which are offered to us
in place of our real lives..

Remember when Robespierre
tried to replace organized religion
with his mountain of papier machier,
out of which he appeared
in some sort of fake "epiphany",
during the height of the French Revolution?

That is the tradeoff which is here being made.

A mountain of paper from dead plants
and glue made from dead animals

in place of the living God

and a life of great
spiritual and material abundance.



Oh, how many lies
will be required
to continue this absurd charade
which pretends to be life,
when in fact it is nothing more,
or less,
than a slow and suffocating
death by asphyxiation.

No life here.

Just the prolonged agony
of a prolonged death,
which poses,
as life, itself.

Just how cheap
are these souls becoming,

I think I remember reading of women
selling their bodies for a loaf of bread.

Is that cheap enough?

For, in the end,
when it comes to personal survival
all things matter very little,
so long as the "center of your being" 
remains fixed intently
on the demands of this material world
instead of,
and in place of
the demands of "that other land".

That is the lesson
which has been forced upon me,
over and over again,
until I feel like
I am going to go nuts from it.

Yes, your eternal soul does matter
(very much, indeed).

And what you do today
will most assuredly determine
how your future shall proceed,
either for much better,
or much worse.

So, how should we, then, live?

Shun "the lie".

And abhor all who take any part in it,

Because, lies,
in all of their multitudinous forms,
are in actuality,

i.e. you are claiming things
which are not factually based
= fantasy
= delusional thinking.

Even as harsh as truth is,

after all.

And just as virtue
is said to be it's own reward,
so we see here,
that the ability to recognize REALITY
from non-reality,
is the reward for truth.

If the reality
is not what you think it should be,

instead of slipping off
into some useless fantasy world.

That is the only winning formulation
I have found
in my many years
of actively inquiring
into this matter
while searching
throughout much of this world,
seeking answers to questions.

oh my loved ones,
stand up strongly and forcefully
for yourselves;

and keep yourselves pure
in heart,
and action.

Do not let anyone
use any excuse
to take your dignity
and self-respect away from you,
or to do anything which may even threaten to do so.

Remember, always,
that true self-respect
(based on reality)
is very hard to come by
and very easy to lose,
permanently and unequivocally.

turn and run
as fast as you can
away from anything,
or anybody,
which could even possibly
cause you to think less of yourself
than you otherwise would
or should.

And the same goes
for ANY AND ALL people
who can be seen to
nearly continuously
perpetrate these abominations
(i.e. turn away
and run just as fast as you can).

and how surprised you shall be
at the sources
and causes
of such things.

Remember always,
they have to be in close
in order to do the damage.

It is those who should be most trusted
who will prove your downfall
over and over again

They will be heard to cry out
how they are
whatever ---.

But are they?


When they are causing
your life to go up in flames?

And finallly to those very few
to whom I have offered material help,
please know
and remember
that my doors
(and life savings)
to any of you
who are ever being forced
into a compromised position 
caused by those things which I have just
delineated above.

Been there ---
--- done that.

It is the voice of experience
which is here talking,
not some recitation of theory
or making of drawings on a chalkboard.

You simply need
for my sake.

I am with you,
in heated, high pitched battle,
in mind,
and spirit,
all the way
and at all times.

and without strings attached
in any way.

I am making this a matter of public record,
right here and now,
for all to see.


More to come  --- ?

w/intense and highly focused love,
and around-the-clock prayer on your behalf,
seven days a week.

And, finally,
who are in the direct line of fire,
mainly thanks to having crossed paths with me.

(At this hour there is one in particular
to whom I allude, who is under intense
assault, along with me;  
I expect that you know who you are).

May YOU be encircled
with an army of flaming angels
encompassing you
on all sides,
in order to protect you
from "the evil".

If you will just open your eyes
and look a little closer,
you just may catch a glimpse
of one or two of them
(look up, because they are tall).

And if you will just open your ears,
and listen a little closer,
you just may hear them,
moving here and there
and encamped about,
directly behind you,
and all around you.


"Remember Lot's wife",
as you continue
never taking your eyes
off of the prize
which stands directly before you.

It is yours,
should you so choose,
to entirely devote your life
to such matters

(yes, it is ALL or NONE,
by it's very constitution).

In my several decades of retrospect,
which have been granted to me
by the very abundant grace
(and longsuffering)
of our God
I can assure you
there simply IS NO OTHER WAY
even worth talking about,
much less acting upon,
and devoting your life to.

(lots of them, actually).

Because they are on their way

(as I finish editing this
on this 13th day
of this new year, 2013).


9:35 p.m.
Ventura, California, USA